From the fireproof burning bush located on Mount Horeb described in the book of Exodus; God appoints Moses (who had been grazing Jethro Tull’s flocks there) to deliver Israel out of the hands of the Egyptians and into the ocean but not before taking off his smelly sandals.
After Moses delivered the news to the Israelis, some were suspicious of his ability to part the waters and allowed others to go in first to see what happened to them. Moses sent them to the back of the line as punishment and they eventually perished at the hands of an eyeliner wearing Pharaoh.
Some skeptic geologists hypothesize that the bush did not actually catch on fire but was already burnt when Moses got there. Hence Confucius’ proclamation that “The bush cannot burn twice”
A Newfoundland scientist, in order to prove his theory that a local whore ignited the fire, has studied surface combustion of glittery makeup (possibly left to blow in the wind by a flaky whore) and proven that it could burst into flame naturally.
Gogglestien Smith Al Hamad, professor of imperceivable psychology at the University of Beit Jala wrote a paper, “Biblical Estrogen: an Abstruse Speculative Hypothesis“, in the esoteric journal Time and Money, which suggests Moses may have been under the influence of Ayahuasca when he witnessed the burning bush. This theory also suggests the voice from the bush was singing and not merely talking.
Other theorists maintain that if the bush was indeed on fire it could have been growing under a natural gas vent and been ignited by a spark from a nearby smoker or a fellow Israelite burning his trash in close proximity.
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